Added: Shaniqua Renfro - Date: 03.11.2021 06:28 - Views: 22031 - Clicks: 3839
In a world where technology and social media seem to bring more of us together more of the time, recent research indicates that more of us are feeling lonely more of the time too. And I get it. I really do. Six years ago, I moved out of the city and away from a community of long-standing friends and neighbors.
From a scenario in which I used to go out to work pretty much every day and got about on foot or public transport, now I work from home and go everywhere by car. Not great for those bumping into people in the street moments that can give such rich social possibilities. Add to the mix that at the same time my husband changed jobs and is now often away for long periods of time, and you can start to understand just how life began to feel very solitary at times. And the more I ached for company, the more isolated I felt.
The more isolated I felt, the less able I was to reach out. And the less I put myself out there, the worse it all was. If you want to ditch your own Norma or Norman No Mates Status soon, here are some of my insights for you to riff off. We can feel lonely for lots of reasons. In my case it was a big change in my living arrangements, and unfamiliarity with how things worked in my new surroundings.
You are not a bad person because you are feeling lonely. Yet I think at times we allow loneliness to say something about our worthiness. I certainly confused the two for too long. But the truth is that being lonely is one thing. If you want to make friendsyou have to make space for them. Energetically invite them into your life. For me, making space meant stopping being so anal about work, and being prepared to trade time ly ased to it with social time. It also meant allowing myself to drop the guilt of missing some of my self-imposed deadlines in favor of being more playful.
But allow yourself to see just how often they keep you feeling lonely, as much as they keep you feeling safe. Let yourself experiment, and notice how eventually you feel your life enriched by the connections that you yourself have created. Needy is never a great place from which to create anything—certainly not relationships of any kind.
Take yourself on dates to the cinema, museum, coffee shop, and restaurants. Let yourself explore that new hiking route. Check in for an afternoon at the spa. Then friendships become the icing on your cake because they truly are about connection and not about making you feel better about yourself. The Norma No Mates factor can cause us to be reticent about reaching out to others. Instead, we wait for them to come to us. Trust your gut. If you feel inspired to reach out, do.
Then listen to the feeling that forms between you. These are genuine connections. So, sure, keep surfing.
But know when to put your device down in favor of making an in-the-flesh connection. One of my happy innovations has been finding opportunities to meet social media friends in person. And then subsequently getting the best of both worlds. While it has taken time and a shed load of vulnerability, I can honestly tell you that my new life finally feels a lot more social. The dark loneliness cloud has lifted. Listen to it with curiosity.
Try some of the things here that worked for me, and wave Norma a happy goodbye.
Boy sitting alone image via Shutterstock. Christine Livingston is a former topnotch business consultant who has made it her mission to create a great life on her terms. Now she works with and writes for others, inspiring them to find the clarity and courage to do the same.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. People sometimes deflect their feelings of social nakedness by making a joke of it. I was that person making a virtue out of watching DVD box sets of an evening.
What changed? Feeling lonely is not a judgment. So, step one, separate them out. Create time and space for connection. That seems obvious, but it plays hard. Become your own best friend first. As you begin to reach beyond yourself, check out how needy you feel. Take the risk. Even if it feels scary, dare to reach beyond yourself and make the first move. That will guide you on where to go from there. Learn the art of rejection. Seeing the truth of this was another big turning point for me.
Beware the social media effect. Maybe you could try that too? My Life After Norma While it has taken time and a shed load of vulnerability, I can honestly tell you that my new life finally feels a lot more social. About Christine Livingston Christine Livingston is a former topnotch business consultant who has made it her mission to create a great life on her terms. Web More Posts. See a typo or inaccuracy? Please so we can fix it! Did you enjoy this post? Please share the wisdom :. Free Download: Buddha Desktop Wallpaper. Recent Forum Topics She was all-in as was I, but then she was not.
How to approach the end? Why am I so hard to love? I really need help asap from this overthinking. Disclaimer This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. Who Runs Tiny Buddha? Back to Top.Lonely looking for friends or
email: [email protected] - phone:(842) 851-5990 x 1127
Feeling lonely? Try finding better friends